I was pulled into church at the age of 7-8 and went to the altar almost every time after church to “seek the Holy Ghost.” I would cry my eyes out for long periods saying, “I love you Jesus,” and many other things but the tongues never came for years. I did not talk in tongues until I was 13. So, this was five freaking years of pure torture for me. (As I remember this stuff, I am feeling very angry.) I believe that it had something to do with my academic crash in school as a kid. Before Pentecostalism, I was always toward the top of the class. After Pentecostalism, I was a procrastinator and never put forth academic effort until I went to college.
But, as a child, seeking the “Holy Ghost,” for five years was pure hell. I had this mean old woman who would almost corner me at local revivals and ask me in a gruff voice if I had received the Holy Ghost yet. That used to scare the crap out of me. I was told that I had the spirit of a dog by members of my own family. Some of the other older boys in the church kept telling me that they “knew where they were going if they died (they, having the so-called “Holy Ghost) and they knew where I was going if I died (meaning Hell because I never talked in tongues). I had this pastor’s wife who would come to the altar and pray with me as I “seeked the Holy Ghost.” After hours of crying my eyes out, she came behind me once and put her arm around me (yes, it is kind of ironic, but I remember it vividly) and told me that those who would not received the Holy Ghost are going to Hell. I would go to the altar again and again for years, and at the time, I would have this other preacher get tired of praying for me, and when I would go up to get “prayed for” he would let out a sigh as if he was tired of fooling with me, and once he said, “Now Joe, you are getting too old…” meaning that I was past the “age of accountability” I suppose, and that I needed the “Holy Ghost,” or I was at the age to burn in hell.
Pentecostalism is sometimes a playground for adult emotional indulgence, but it is not a place for kids. Adults get their kicks, their highs, and their psycho-sexual orgasms at the altar, while the kids are looking on from the sidelines getting emotionally scarred for life.
May that entire movement be cursed and dammed! (yes, even in the name of Jesus, as they would say..)
derkrash-at-earthlink-dot-net
JP Istre
6 comments:
Hi,
I'm a reformed Christian. Here in Italy, the country where I live in, it's plenty of pentecostals and it's dangerous. The only evangelical churches around, apart the catholics, are the charismatic ones, so people do not know what church attend and they end to become pentecostals. And nobody realize how anti biblical all this behaviour is!
There is no stuff in italian language speaking about the dangerous pentecostal movement so I thought to translate some of your articles into my language, may I? I like the ex-pentecostals site, it's interesting and useful for the people.
My comment was deleted?
That is so sad.Im glad you left that crazy church of evil people. How can people act so cruel to others especially children and walk around high and mighty thinking they are going to heaven. What vile idiots they all are.
Your experience is very...traumatizing, and extremely life-scarring. This is an interesting article to find, somewhat relieving for me personally, actually.
Unlike you, Lutherius, I was dragged into Pentecostalism via a youth group in my town I grew up in, however I am born Roman-Catholic.
I had deep feelings for a girl in high school, and I grew to be quite philosophical and existential in thought. She started to go to this youth group, so I naturally followed. I was looking for meaning in life..something more. I began to tangle with this bizarre cult-like religion on and off for almost two years with little trace of my family knowing, while I was in high school. This girl I had such deep feelings for went through the exact same thing I did, which drew me closer to this place to an even greater extent. My academics dropped increasingly as I grew more involved with the youth group and the religion. I couldn't even cry or experience emotions normally anymore- I would 'get high' off of the Holy Spirit instead. Every damned night, until 2 or 3 at least. Even a few times in school. Sleep deprivation, in a near-schizophrenic world. My friends began to notice that I was...'different', ..changing, in a very weird and scary way. I could almost call upon the psychological high by thinking of it. I got far in that aspect of the experience, but did not ever speak tongues.
The beginning of last year marked the worst experience of my life, where my parents found out that I was deep within Pentecostalism. They found a journal which I had been keeping, which I now say 'Thank God' they found it. They forced me to strip off the sheer ideals, morals, values and identity I had in life off of myself, and that was that. I became just a floating, ...mass of nothingness. I didn't know how or what to pray to at night anymore. I didn't know what I was, or what anything was. My brain chemistry seemed completely annihilated, to say the least. I went into a low phase and...just went day by day. Gray, non-existent.
I'm 18 now in my first year of university, and. Lately I've been having mildly traumatizing flashbacks, and the 'feeling' rarely rushes back into my body, but on the occasion, it does. An identity crisis is the name of the game as of now, as with many other underlying concerns.
You said in your experience, "...I was always toward the top of the class. After...I was a procrastinator and never put forth academic effort...". I can relate to this EXACTLY, amazingly enough. I know for a fact this was me in grade 12, but now I never know if it's just me being lazy, but it indeed seems as if this is a side-effect, because before I even knew about Pentecostalism, I was also toward the top of the class...
...I apologize for leaving such a..long comment, but I needed to vent to something tonight. Who knows, maybe putting my experience on here will help something/someone, maybe just as yours has Lutherius.
Thank you.~
As a teenager forced to attend a UPCI church with my parents, I often wondered why if God is good and gives His gifts freely, WHY does it take a mass of people and preachers to shake the living daylights out of someone to get them to "speak in tongues"?
I found the UPCI church to be nothing but a stumbling block--preaching a judgmental God that is more about the technicalities of living a christian life, than pursuing gifts like faith, hope and LOVE.
A conundrum which further exposes the unsoundness of the oneness doctrine that I recently ran across is: If the baptism of the Holy Spirit brings salvation, and water baptism brings forgiveness of sins, how is it possible to have some people receiving the Spirit baptism (i.e., salvation) BEFORE their sins are forgiven (i.e., water baptism)? And how is it possible for God to forgive someone's sins (by water baptism) and yet not give them the Holy Spirit (salvation)?
The only conundrum is all religion itself. I am the adopted son of a UPC preacher man. It's all bullshit and when anyone tries to get technical it only assumes that someone else is somehow right in their biblical belief. It's a series of story telling, morphed into a collection and used to control people. Simple as that, live your life and forget about this nonsense!!!
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